MODERN CHALLENGES TO MARRIAGE

MODERN CHALLENGES TO MARRIAGE

Divorce is on the increase and fast becoming fashionable even among the Evangelicals. Statistics shows that by early 2009, divorce is highest among the Evangelicals in the United States of America. One can even say that it is now being celebrated among some of them as they add it as accolades in introducing guests that they walked out of an abusive marriage.

While the Scripture is clear that for a divorce to occur, at least one of the couple must be a backslider, modern systems and realities however, pose serious challenges to the marriage institution. I would like to discuss some of these challenges instantly below, namely, work, stress, travel, acculturation, erectile dysfunction and sterility, poverty and materialism, societal ethics and values, and information.

a.) Work: Work is a blessing only that it is fast becoming a curse to the family species; particularly, in this modern time. Work is a major source of divorce in the world today. Think about it: most couples leave home usually when they are at their best; usually in the daytime.

Then they share an office and work with their colleagues including the opposite sex. Now the person you see every day, talk with every day, work with every day, probably go out on break together every day has a way of becoming your trusted friend upon whose shoulder you could cry on in times of trouble.

This is what happened to Pamela who started to discuss her spouse with a male colleague. When one receives care and attention from the opposite sex, it usually results in soul bonding, which may progressively lead into a sexual relationship.

Like every worker, Pamela leaves home at her best but returns home at her worst — tired, worn out and touchy. The point here is this: work makes us spend our best time at work and our worst time at home!

Certainly, Pamela’s newfound love became nicer than her spouse and she replaced him with the new love — let’s call him Randy. However, as Randy was snatching Pamela from her husband, someone else was also keeping his own wife busy at work. It is an unending evil spiral winding through offices, factories and other places of work worldwide. How many homes have ended in divorce as a result of work? How many spouses have been snatched by their colleagues at work today? This brings us to work’s first cousin in modern times: stress.

b.) Stress: Twenty-four hours is surely too short for one day nowadays with too much to be done and so much money to earn often resulting in over-work and stress. Since we usually spend our worst time with our family as explained above, it has dire consequences. When people are stressed or tired, they become touchy and quarrelsome with their spouses and children, which leads to more stress; any wonder why couples fight and even separate on petty and at times silly things?

How many people are on anti-depressant drugs today? How many wives live in frustration today? And how can depressed, unhappy, stressed out and angry people make good spouses?

c.) Travel: Out of sight is out of mind, the English say. Distance is a killer of relationships except when care is taken. The Bible says that at the end time, knowledge will increase and people will travel to and fro. The question is, ‘How much of an effect will these travels have on the end-time family?’ The answer: enormous.

Many homes have broken because work took their spouse to a faraway city or nation. A graphic example of this is seen among immigrants in Europe and America where a man or woman left the spouse in Africa, Asia or South America to live abroad. This often results in extra-marital affairs, divorce, separation or frosty relationships.

As explained earlier, if you spend quality time with the opposite sex, it results in soul bonding, which in turn more often than not leads into sexual immorality. Once people are sexually active, it takes enormous self-control (that may not be there for folks these days) to keep themselves in the face of a protracted absence of their spouses.

I don’t believe in a married Christian living apart from his or her spouse for a long period of time. Are you not also responsible if your spouse goes into sexual immorality? Surely, there exists no excuse for moral failure but we must not lead our spouses into temptation.

d.) Acculturation: Acculturation is a sociology term for ‘stealing of culture,’ a situation where a person dumps his own culture to imbibe another’s. In a world considered as a global village where TV, Internet and travel have effectively broken down barriers, it is difficult not to borrow from other people’s cultures.

However, while to be emulative is commendable, this also has a flipside to it. Take Africans who live in the West, for example; back at home men are the head of their families, a position women effectively occupied in the West by dint of law and extra rights — I respect women and have no grudges against them. How then are these African women coping with the newfound freedom? Poorly, to put it mildly.

Many of them have called the police to throw out their husband, switch lovers at will and even beat up the husband. I heard a case where one even brings home another man to sleep over together while the man is banished to the living room.

e.) Erectile Dysfunction and Sterility: Erectile dysfunction is on the increase, and this is for real. According to the American Urological Association, twenty-five million American men suffer from erectile dysfunction.

Again, more and more men are becoming incapable of impregnating their wives due to low sperm count. Experts have reasons for these problems ravaging the home today and breaking up not a few and I will leave that to them.

However, it is also noticeable that gluttony, excessive liquor and unhealthy foods have their share of the blame. It is no secret that obesity reduces men’s potency. Gluttony and libido may not be best of friends.

From experience at settling marital problems for folks, sex-related problems are usually very nasty.

f.) Poverty and Materialism: Lack of money and too much money both have their ugly sides. The poor often have less than little self-esteem while the rich often behave as if they are running crazy. Both have a serious impact on the home.

Today, people are not easily satisfied and many couples work around the clock at the expense of their children resulting in explosive and rebellious youths. How many men and women are ready to put their home before their profession today? Homes have broken up because work took a spouse out of reach of his or her partner.

When one partner is poor, the tendency from his or her spouse is to abuse him or her. Surely, money is a defense while poverty exposes anyone to ridicule.

g.) Societal ethics and values: Patience, endurance and longsuffering have no place in modern homes. Marriage is no longer ‘for better or worse’ and I have heard people say, ‘for better for best.’

Jesus told Peter, ‘Before the cock crows twice you will deny me three times.’ However, today before the cock crows once, people deny their spouses seven times. Divorce is no longer seen as a stigma in the West; in fact, it is being celebrated on the altar of self-expression. In fact, in most parts of Europe, a woman gets more money from the government when she sends her husband away than when she keeps him, which results in more single-parent homes.

h.) Information: Open information is a double-edged sword. It makes life easy and also corrupts society. Television, Internet, radio and print media disseminate information freely that are injurious to morals.

Advertorial billboards are often close to pornography. Women walk the streets half-dressed and half-undressed. These entirely combine together to break many homes. While there is no excuse for moral failure or sexual violence, observation reveals that lewdness and immodest dressing contribute to rape and marital unfaithfulness.

For example, according to MASA, University of Rochester, rape in America is four times higher than that of Germany, thirteen times higher than that of England and twenty times higher than that of Japan. It is noteworthy that Japanese women don’t expose their curves.

What is the solution to these modern challenges facing marriage? Of course, work must continue, beautiful and foxy girls will always roam the streets; there is no stopping free flow of information and anti-God ethics have come to stay. The only way to keep our home as Christians is to have the fear of God as well as use these same danger avenues to our advantage.

For example, couples should ensure closeness to each other by sending love texts and emails plus regular telephoning. I advise that you have no friend at work that your spouse doesn’t know about. It is also wise to unwind with your spouse more often such as spending little time to discuss how work went when you get home, going out together, etc. It is a good habit to celebrate the end of each day together in whatever little way possible.

No matter how rocky your home is now, never allow an opposite sex to get closer to you than your spouse. Yes, you must seek counseling when you need it but avoid extra-marital soul bonding with anyone.

I have noticed that Christians nowadays throw in the towel having only tried physical-resolution methods. People hardly fast and pray earnestly for their relationship before calling it quits.

Lastly, it is observable that churches only have programs for those already in hot water like widows, divorcees, estranged couples, etc., but hardly have programs for those whose homes are working now to further encourage them. I believe that every church should have a strong couples’ fellowship where these modern challenges are discussed and prayed against.